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Eating Disorders in the Schools
Mini-Articles
Will I Make New Friends and Be Accepted? Back to School Fears
Know Your Facts and Know Your Opponent to Handle Bullies Successfully
Food Related Behaviors are a Form of Self-Expression
Eating Disorders in the Schools
Will I Make New Friends and Be Accepted? Back to School Fears
It's back to school time and what girls are most concerned about, whether freshmen or seniors, starting new or about to graduate, is whether they will be accepted and find friendship.
Seeking acceptance is one of the risk factors for body image concerns and dieting, which in turn, is a prime risk factor for developing an eating disorder. An eating disorder expert who recently appeared on the Oprah Show, I am a psychotherapist specializing in work with adolescents, and the author of When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder. I have worked with literally hundreds of girls over these past 3 decades. I have even created a web site just for kids and teens called www.empoweredkidZ.com.
Here are seven tips that work for junior high and high school students, particularly when they find themselves newcomers to small gatherings of peers.
1. Relax and be yourself. Know that you are not the only one who may feel somewhat insecure and eager to be loved.
2. Be a good listener. Everyone wants to be heard and people really appreciate someone who really hears what they have to say. You needn't feel compelled to speak first or speak most.
3. Have you experienced similar situations to what others describe? Offer your own experiences and what has worked for you.
4. Ask questions. Asking questions can help the speaker know herself more fully. It shows that you really care about what she is saying.
5. Be informative, be substantive. When you first become acquainted with prospective new friends, individually or in groups, ask yourself whether the information you are giving is the essence, the nub of what you really want to communicate. Are the others learning about you what you want them to know?
6. Be positive as you first speak about yourself. There will be time to share your deepest thoughts, fears, intimacies. At the very get-go, you want others to recognize your strengths. Did you work this past summer? How about saying what you enjoyed about your job first, before complaining about how little you were paid or how long a commute it was to get there.
7. Be real. Many young girls do not recognize how really fun and interesting they are to others. Being real may result in others liking you even more than you may like yourself!!
I would also love to create a Q. and A. column for young girls about body image issues. Please see http://www.empoweredkidZ.com for samples of kids' letters and my responses. This is a service that could ultimately save girls' lives.
Know Your Facts and Know Your Opponent to Handle Bullies Successfully
Handling bullies takes courage. Doing it successfully, however, takes understanding, of oneself, of the facts, and of the offender. Despite all the bravado, acting tough and acting out in an offensive manner is the sign of a person who feels inadequate and powerless. Though it isn't easy to use your head when your heart is breaking, your head is where your best answers lie.
Recognize that the person doing the teasing is ignorant as to what causes overweight, insensitive to your feelings, and probably an unhappy person. You might decide to educate that person by making it clear that:
- largeness is genetically determined
- large or overweight people who exercise and engage in sports are apt to be more physically fit and healthy than extremely thin people. They live long, healthy and fulfilled lives.
- people are not meant to look exactly alike.
- if anyone has been offensive, it is the teaser.
It would make a great deal of sense not to further seek the friendship of a hurtful person. There are too many good people in the world to waste time and effort befriending those who are not. Try not to allow toxic people to be part of your life.
Food Related Behaviors are a Form of Self-Expression
Back to school time is an anxious time for a lot of kids. Without the words or the emotional sophistication to recognize and describe their feelings, many children act out their anxiety or depression through eating-related behaviors.
Kids have stomachaches or they lose their appetite. Others over-eat or act out at mealtimes. At what point does an eating "issue" become an eating "problem?" When is a dysfunctional behavior merely a passing quirk, and when might it be an early warning sign of an eating disorder in the making? Parents need to understand these important distinctions so they can become instrumental in preventing or deflecting potentially serious problems that could threaten both life and life quality.
About Abigail H. Natenshon
Abigail H. Natenshon, MA LCSW has been a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in the treatment of eating disordered individuals and their families for the past 28 years. She is co-founder and director of Eating Disorder Specialists of Illinois; A Clinic without Walls, and the author of When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder: A Step-by-Step Workbook for Parents and Other Caregivers (Jossey Bass, San Francisco, October, 1999). Visit her web sites at www.empoweredparents.com and www.empoweredkidZ.com
CONTACT:
Abigail Natenshon, MA, LCSW
Telephone 847-432-1795
Fax: 847-266-9233
Highland Park, Illinois 60035
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